Living in the...

It seems like nearly every conversation I have lately involves my plans post graduation; as if a Masters Degree somehow equates with being complete and having life all figured out. The uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach was named today while at breakfast with a dear friend. "It seems like you're waiting for a lot. That can be great. That's where we learn the most." Hmm... My friend's simple summation of my life caused me to ponder the waiting. I am living in the dot, dot, dot. An ellipsis is my home...and while I'm not yet ready to buy new throw pillows and pick out the paint swatches, I'm learning to settle in.

What good can come of waiting?
Most people (including myself) physically contort at the mere mention of the word patience. It's something cross stitching, front porch rocking, sweet tea sipping grandmas possess. It's passive, it's boring, and perhaps most frustrating of all, it's elusive. I recently heard a sermon by Tim Keller that threw my definition of waiting into oblivion. Without reducing Keller's sermon to a hacked Cliff's Notes version, I want to share a few things that really hit home. Waiting is NOT passive. Keller lays out 5 deliberate ACTIONS to be patient. Action? Yes! This is something I can get behind.

#1. Wait with Humility.
We have trouble waiting because we assume we know what we're waiting for and that it's way better than where we currently find ourselves. How do we know? What if the dot, dot, dot is better? Keller implores us to make a savvy vote for our own personal growth. If we are all completely honest with ourselves, the times of growth are in the waiting; they are in the process and in the journey, not in the destination. Ugh. I know, I know. It's not fun, but it's true. Next time you're tempted to reach for the remote control of life and hit the fast forward button, think about what you could learn and how you could be drawing closer to God in the midst of the waiting.

#2. Wait with Perspective.
This is huge for me. My perspective is limited and clouded with pain, emotional baggage, and desire. Not unlike seeing a tiny corner of a Monet painting, our lives look messy and don't even vaguely resemble the masterpiece that God sees. When we wait with perspective we actively choose to put the waiting in perspective to God's glory and believe that nothing will ever compare to it.

#3. Wait with Obedience.
"If you get nothing out of trying to pray everyday, I can assure you you will get nothing by not praying". - Keller paraphrasing John Newton
Sometimes I want just a small glimpse that all this waiting will be worth it someday. I want proof. Show me proof God...even though you have proven yourself faithful time and time before in my life, I need to see it in this specific situation. And like a spoiled child, I pout in indifference and waver in my ability to continue in prayer. Keller talked about waiters and waitresses and ladies in waiting. All of these vocations involve service. The 'serving' is essential to the 'waiting'. To wait on someone is to serve them. And Jesus did this for us. During his last supper with his disciples, he served them literally. And while He was 'waiting' for the death that was to come in hours and he was obedient in serving us...even in that death. Yes, but I'm not Jesus. It's hard to be obedient. It was hard for him too. Sheesh. He asked God if somehow it didn't have to be this way, but if it did, he would do it obediently. Because I am a cheesy girl, I think of a classic chick flick, Sleepless in Seattle. Tom Hanks' character has lost his wife and he is on the phone with some quack of a psychologist on a national radio program. She asks him what he is going to do and his response is simple. "Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out." I love this picture of obedience. It's hard, but when we do it, we don't have to remind ourselves to do it. I think God steps in and helps us to be obedient to him. We are transformed by being obedient.

#4. Wait on God God-centrically.
Ouch. This one hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like a cartoon character getting squished by an anvil of conviction. I will wait...as long as I know I am waiting for God's blessings in my life. I am waiting for the job, the husband, the greatness he has for me. I am not waiting on God simply for who He is and loving Him. My love (and ability to wait) is conditional. I will wait and trust and love you if...you give me a,b,and c. God is Holy. God is worthy. He is. He deserves my loyalty even when he is giving me nothing (or it appears that way). The Israelites were perfect examples of people who were given everything by God and yet they had to wait and wait and wait. God gave them everything they needed to live and promised them an even more abundant life and yet they still couldn't wait. They didn't delight in God, they were delighting in what He could give them. Hmmm...sounds familiar.

#5. Wait on God Joyfully.
When I was a child, my bedroom was directly above a three-season porch. In the summer after my family was asleep, I would quietly open my window, carefully unscrew the screen and crawl through the opening and sit on the roof of the porch for hours. I would stare at the stars and will a shooting star to appear so I could make a wish. I would sing songs and dream and just be. I knew that my life had just begun and I had many years ahead of me. I was waiting for so much and yet I anticipated it all with joy. Now that I am older and I've seen more brokenness and pain, I've also witnessed the redemptive power of God in people's lives and the joy and hope the gospel brings. Joy can be found in a summer night staring at the stars praying to a God that has redeemed you. So I will choose to focus on Him and not my circumstance.

So, I have to get going...because I have to go...and wait. :-)

*sermon by Tim Keller "Waiting and Living by Faith" May 10, 2009. Redeemer Presbyterian Church
http://sermons.redeemer.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&product_ID=18940&ParentCat=6