Phrases like "when the rubber meets the road" or "when the sh** hits the fan" never used to pack any kind of punch for me. I always thought they were kitchy little bumper sticker quotes to sprinkle into conversations. But lately, I've been thinking about who I am when the rubber really does meet the road. Who am I when sh** hits the fan? Because it does. No one can escape the realities of life from infringing upon your "plan".
I always used to fumble around in the dark searching for the fast-forward button bumping my knees on the sharp-edged end tables all the while wishing that I were somewhere else...someone else. Pain to me was a four-letter word. How could I fix it, get away from it, prevent it? I'm far from embracing pain, but this past year I've been learning what stuff I'm made of...and just who made my "stuff".
The opening lines of Brooke Fraser's song, Shadowfeet, capture the essence of what I feel:
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep,
Made of different stuff than when I began
and I have sensed it all along, fast approaching is the day
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
If life is a journey and can be likened to a marathon, then this past year I hit the wall on the 21st mile. Muscles seized and rendered me paralyzed. The road disappeared before me. All other runners seemed to glide effortlessly passed me and there I was...hopelessly stuck. My heels dug deep into the asphalt and my legs too heavy to lift. I started the race strong and confident. It was a goal of mine for as long as I can remember. I prayed and prepared. I trained and ate healthy. I did my absolute best to be ready and more importantly put God before each twist and turn in the race, but still I ran at full speed into a wall.
God promises that He'll never leave us. God doesn't create the walls that we careen into, but instead He is there in the midst of the pain, the waiting, and the mending.
I've been asked to speak in a few weeks at my church and I am anxiously awaiting the day. It happens to fall on an anniversary of sorts and so I am going to celebrate that I am made of different stuff than when I began. No one chooses to hit a wall. No one asks for sh** to hit the fan, but God always and forever redeems us. He doesn't create the walls we run into, but makes us into different people than when we began.
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